Here’s an excerpt from his post entitled, “For The People That Watched Captain N As A Kid, I have a ‘?’ “:

Was Simon Belmont gay?

Not that it matters or anything, but I remember being eight (years old) and thinking he was a little, hmmm, off, you could say. Today was Day One of my 12-day vacation so I went on YouTube and watched like a shit shiznit load of “Captain N” shows. Funny how I remember a lot of them.

But in every show, Simon always pulls out a mirror to look at himself, he brushes his hair quite more than a non-gay male would. He seems to hit on Princess Lana a lot, but it seems forced (like maybe he is trying to prove something) and when they do talk, it’s more of a girl to girl chat.

Haha. I’ve been wondering about the same thing for years … until I found out what a narcissist is, and this is exactly how poor ol’ Simon Belmont of Castlevania fame is portrayed in the Captain N animated series.

There’s an interesting entry about the Captain N version of Simon Belmont in the pages of The Video Game Museum.

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In the game, you control a Smurf who is off on an action-packed rescue mission. Gargamel has captured Smurfette (I wonder why the big bald guy with the crooked teeth wants a little blue lady so much), and has taken her to his castle. It’s your job to rescue her (since she’s the only female Smurf, you’re obliged to rescue her … survival of the species, you see). Fun, eh? Well, not really. Take a look at Steve Benway’s misadventures:

Ugh. And I thought E.T. the Extra Terrestrial was awful. In the words of Steve himself: Words fail me.

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Film Gecko’s Jane Boursaw wrote:

I’m not sure how long this will stay online, but a new trailer for 20th Century Fox’s Max Payne has been leaked onto YouTube. It looks like an amazing movie.

The movie adaptation of the popular video game opens in theaters on October 17, and stars Mark Wahlberg, Chris O’Donnel, Beau Bridges, Ludacris, Mila Kunis, and Donal Logue.

I’m sure the “leak” was controlled … some sort of viral marketing for both the movie and the two video games that spawned the film, Max Payne and Max Payne: The Fall of Max Payne. And I heard that Max Payne 3 has been in the pipeline since 2004. Check out the number of videos that have cropped up since the July 10 leak.

Oh, and for those who haven’t seen the trailer, here’s a copy:

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Have you ever wondered how Max Payne and the gorgeous Mona Sax look like under all those layers of “graphic novel-like paint” in

Max Payne 2‘s dialogue or cut scenes? Well, you need not wonder any longer. Feast your eyes on these before and after shots:

Before

After

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Like all things in the corporate world, Strategic Simulations Inc., or SSI, was acquired by a bigger video games development firm. Join me in a virtual tour of the history of SSI, which is, for me, one of the most unforgettable video game developers and publishers.

Strategic Simulations Inc. was founded by war games enthusiast Joel Billings. He hired two notable computer programmers to start the company’s reign in video gamedom: John Lyons, who wrote Computer Bismarck for the Apple II and later the TRS-80 in 1980, and Ed Williger, who wrote Computer Ambush. Both games, Bismarck and Ambush were written in the Basic language. Come to think of it, almost all games in that era were written in Basic.

With its founder being a war games fanatic, SSI naturally launched mostly strategy games in its first two years of operations, from Computer Bismarck to Southern Command. Interestingly, SSI also developed and published sports video games, such Computer Quarterback, a football simulation game for the Apple II and the Commodore 64, and Computer Baseball.

No, not all SSI titles had the word “Computer.” In 1982, SSI launched the RapidFire line of video games, which included Cytron Masters, Cosmic Balance, and Galactic Gladiators. Don’t ring a bell? How about Epidemic!, a real-time strategy game dealing with a global plague?

SSI’s more memorable games, however, came only in 1987 with its acquisition of rights to develop and publish Advanced Dungeons & Dragons video games from TSR. The first such game, Pool of Radiance, came out in 1988. Oooh, Alias and Dragonbait! Oh, wait, that’s Curse of the Azure Bonds, another SSI title.

Of course, who can forget SSI’s powerhouse of strategy games, Panzer General, which spawned a host of other “General” games, like Allied General and Pacific General.

So what happened to SSI after all these successful titles? It was acquired in 1994 by Mindscape. Later, it became part of Mattel, and later still, a division of Ubisoft. Unfortunately, Ubisoft retired the brand name, and thus the world had been robbed of the legacy of SSI.

Post from: EveryJoe

Post from: EveryJoe

Actually, there’s not much to talk about as game features go. The only news concerning The Goonies is the fact that it has already celebrated its 20th anniversary and that a remake of the classic game is now available as shareware. More on this later. For now, let me share a bit of video game history.

There are two versions of The Goonies video game, one for the MSX and another for the Nintendo Family Computer. A sequel, The Goonies II (duh!) was released for the Famicom a few years later. It should be pointed out that these versions of the game had little to do with the movie, but it featured the same set of characters. Take the Fratellis, for example. They’re still the bad guys in the video games.

In The Goonies video game, however, the Fratellis have managed to kidnap all of the Goonies (except Mikey, our lead protagonist in the game) and hide them in hidden cages across a map of caverns, mazes and abandoned buildings. Mikey’s goal: to rescue all the Goonies and free a mermaid named Annie. Where Annie is in the movie, I know not.

If you’re more of a movie tie-in buff, then the Datasoft-produced Goonies may be the video game for you. This version of the video game, which features eight screens where a player has to use two members of the Goonies to solve puzzles and reach an exit to advance to the next stage, was released for 8-bit computers like the Commodore 64, the ZX Spectrum, the Amstrad CPC, the Atari, and the Apple II (I played the game on this archaic machine). Unlike its MSX and Famicom counterpart, this version made use of designs from the actual sets and the puzzles seen in the movie.

Sigh. Those were the days. Hey, if you’re looking for a rush, why don’t you try the remake of the video game by Brain Games. The remake was made for the 2006 competition organized by Retro Remakes. Take a gander at these screenshots:

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Stay tuned to Re:Retro for my take on this classic movie tie-in.

Post from: EveryJoe

First off, it’s important to remind you, dear readers, who Carmen San Diego is. This is especially important for those who haven’t even come across the fiendish Carmen in their video gaming lives (poor you).

Well, Carmen San Diego isn’t an actual person. The name actually refers to a media franchise of edutainment (there’s that word again) computer games, television programs, books and other media featuring a thieving villainess of the same name. Here’s a more thorough description from Wikipedia:

The basic premise of the franchise has the player getting into the role of an agent for the ACME Detective Agency, which attempts to thwart and capture V.I.L.E. ringleader and former ACME agent Carmen San Diego. The series initially focused on teaching geography and history, though it later branched out into mathematics, English and other subjects.

Originally distributed in the United States and Canada, most of the computer games are now available to international audiences. With the exception of Carmen San Diego: Junior Detective Edition, all the games in the series are aimed at preteens although the geography and history games are often difficult enough for adults since much of the trivia learned is not widely known. Many entries in the series contain elements of various genres, including mystery, comedy, science fiction, spy-fi and fantasy.

You gotta love this game. I know, I know … edutainment software usually sucks, but Carmen San Diego is a break from the mold. Before reviving my addiction for this game, the last time I played it was, hmmm, almost two decades ago. Yes, the game, or rather the franchise, is that old.

The first of the series, Where in the World is Carmen San Diego, was released way back in 1985 for the Apple II computer. Hooray for Apple II users like me! The game was later ported to other systems, thanks to the efforts of developer Brøderbund.

Here’s a list for Carmen San Diego fanatics who wish to look up one of their childhood’s fondest games:

More Carmen San Diego in a later post.

Post from: EveryJoe

It’s the eighties. A school friend has an Atari 2600 – already a piece of treasure, a strange lumpy luxury from a time before time. It has that whiff of seventies design that’s still familiar and comforting to us, dodged deep in the brain from when our cortexes were still busy developing. We’ve got no concept of what ‘retro’ is, but we do get a kick of the feel and smell and shape of it and how the blocks on the screen the games are made up out of are so clunky and massive. Already it feels like playing on an antique – we’re used to the BBC Micro or the ZX Spectrum. Most of the games are recognisable, though – Atari Tennis, Atari Combat.

And ET.

ET The Extra-Terrestrial.

We don’t really know what ET is. My friend’s got no copy of the instructions and either can’t remember or won’t tell me how or why it got in the house. This actually gives it a lifespan it doesn’t deserve as we try and puzzle it out, the way the symbols flash at the top of the screen, the mystifying countdown, the falling into pits and then climbing back out, the wierd green splotches. We figure there’s got to be more to it somehow – if only we could figure out what.

It’s his game, and he gets bored first. Doubtless he’s been through it all on his own. Grudgingly, I put it down, still fascinated. Twenty years pass.

Occasionally, in the intervening time, ET is mentioned as being one of the worst games ever. I learn a little of the story behind it – mostly by reading ithe Wiki. The fascination only deepens, despite the bizarre Reese’s-Pieces-for-Alien-Technology handovers. I long to play this game again, now that I have at least some understanding of exactly what was going on, and I long to conquer its secrets once and for all.

Then I see this.

The illusion is shattered. The divine mystery of ET The Extra-Terrestrial: The Video Game is like mist blown from my eyes by a highly-powered industrial fan. ET was rubbish. The voiceover guy does his best to make it seem worthy of inclusion on his How To Win At Home Video Games tape but there is a hollow ring to his narration, for deep in his soul he feels the coiled worm of rubbishness as bitterly as I do.

Once I would have rated ET as THE FIRST GAME TO CREATE AN ILLUSION OF MYSTERY, but now I can no longer honestly do so. YouTube’s ‘tr0d’ and How To Beat Home Video Games – Vol. 2 The Hot New Games (Vestron, 1982) have pulled an entire sheep from my eyes.

ET was THE FIRST RUBBISH GAME.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to weep for my childhood.

NEXT: ELITE. Probably.

Post from: EveryJoe