Sometimes it shocks me how different guys and girls can be.
The other night, the boy was helping me cook dinner, which means he was staring at me drinking orange juice while I cooked dinner, when he remembered something in his pocket. He tossed me a folded up piece of paper.
“A guy at work asked me if I could ask you for some training advice.”
The piece of paper had some exercise questions, a list of his injuries and his email.
I told the boy that I could only give him general advice because I hadn’t checked him out myself, and plus he seemed to have a lot of back issues. (Not vital to the story, but I lost the peice of paper and now feel like a giant ass.)
I was curious. The company my boyfriend supplies for is on strike, so work’s slow, which obviously facilitates time for boy-gabbing, but, like any slightly narcisstic person I asked,
“Why were you talking about me?”
He replied, “I dunno. X mentioned that he was going to clubs to meet girls.”
“And?”
“And, so I asked him if he was trying to lose weight.”
Now I was curious for a completely different reason.
“You asked him that?”
“Yeah.”
“Did he mention he was trying to lose weight?”
“No.” I could tell the boy was now starting to get confused. “I just asked him.”
“So you asked someone, without them ever expressing any desire to lose weight, if they were going to try to lose weight to meet someone.”
“Yeah” He was starting to get frustrated.
“You do realize that was probably the most insulting thing you could possibly say.”
“Why?”
I didn’t understand how he didn’t understand.
“So X said, ‘I’m going to a club to meet fine ladies,’ and you said ‘Oh, are you going to try and lose weight?’ That’s like saying, ‘You better lose weight, fattie, cause no one would find you attractive in your current state.’”
“Guys don’t think like that. He wasn’t offended. He said that he did want to lose some weight and that’s when I told him you were a trainer.”
I decided at this point that it would futile to try and explain that if a girl asked another girl if she was going to try and lose weight to get a guy, without said girl ever mentioning a dissatisfaction with her current weight, that it would be enough to send her into a downward spiral of self hatred, body image issues and gallon and gallons of Ben and Jerry’s.
I came to the decison that night that either guys are COMPLETELY secure and can say whatever they want without being labelled passive agressive and bitchy, or my boyfriend is horribly insensitive and, even worse, completely oblivious to the fact that he shattered this man’s selfesteem, which, in turn will probably cause him to give up on woman in general.
Thoughts? Am I being over sensitive? Is my boyfriend completely insensitive? Are guys fundamentally different from girls in the body image department? Will he be mad I made an example of him in this post? (HA! like he reads this….)
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Men are weird. Actually, I think it depends on each individual guy – how he would take a comment like that. Sometimes I have that kind of reaction to something my husband says to his guy friends but he always reminds me that they are his friends and he knows them and isn’t going to say something to piss them off. My point is that maybe not all guys would take that kind of statement well but your bf knew that particular friend was fine with it. And it sounds like he was.
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I think it’s ultra-cool that guys can ask each other questions like that and not think twice about it.
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Ya know, it is funny how I’ve watched so many of my husband’s friends go to the gym for about three months, find a girl, date her, keep going to the gym, marry her, stop going to the gym forevermore. Then when we see them my husband will be joking and saying to me, oh, look, he’s gotten so fat, etc etc etc, and my heart will be breaking for the poor guy, but they’ll both be LAUGHING. So I think your boyfriend is not insensitive and I’m really happy I’m a girl.
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First off, that cartoon is hilarious and perfect for this post. Second, guys are odd creatures. On the whole, they think far less than we do and just do. I envy it at times. And then at other times I think about the whole cartoon situation above and thank my lucky stars.
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I truly think men are just wired differently. In a female brain, mention of weight leads to self-analysis, stressing and sometimes self-loathing. That is just the path that subject runs through our heads. In the male brain, it usually has to run through mental barriers, subjects and ideas such as “the game on tv” or “what is that stain on my shirt and I hope no one sees me tasting it to find out.” It simply is not an important enough subject for the male brain to process in the same way the female brain does. So I think discussion of weight/ body image in general with guys is a hopeless endeavor as we come from a completely different mindset as they so. This is a totally scientific analysis on my part by the way.
And the description of you and your boy “ccoking dinner” together cracks me up… that is just what happens in my house except MY boy is not allowed in the kitchen because he tries to help (thus making the cooking process harder and/or messier) so he stands on the other side of the bar and peers in, sniffing.
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That’s hilarious in a completely insensitive sort of way. I’m sure it completely depends on the guy and the situation, but all I could think about while reading that story is how a girl would react to the same comment. I can’t even imagine.
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I think its funny he couldnt even understand how anyone could take that offensively. He seriously had no idea where I was coming from.
I got all weirded out one time cause there was a commercial on TV where some girl told a guy, “I could floss with her” in reference to a little tiny other girl, and he said “Like you!” He didn’t get why that wasn’t compliment.
He usually just shrugs, though, and then forgets so atleast he doesnt think im insane.
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I also don’t understand the way they get all proud when they order a particularly obscene meal at a restaurant, like my boyfriend who gets The Horseshoe: garlic toast topped with cheap steak, topped with cheese sauce, topped with french fries, topped with more cheese sauce.
And NOT finishing a meal? Unmanly.
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Hmm, it really does depend on the individual, I know my ex was entirely obsessed with his weight….he was ridiculously skinny and yet when one of his coworkers made reference to the amount he ate for lunch (where do you put it all, or something similar) he became ridiculously obsessed that she was implying he ate too much and needed to cut back. sigh. So, yeah, can’t really generalise, but that said, I think it’s always safer to err on the side of caution, because we never know how someone feels inside, even if they’re laughing it off on the outside.
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Kelly — related to something you posted on Kath’s post today with functional training. I’ve been wondering for a while, what kind of functional training can you do to build up enough muscle to do pull-ups? I cannot even come close to doing 1 and don’t really know what kind of at-home exercises would help with that. Thanks!
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I think in general men are just different. My husband will ask questions that shock me, but most of his male friends don’t even blink. Actually, the worst part is that he will say things about me that maybe I didn’t want to share, but he won’t get that maybe I don’t want everybody to know something, and then it will be too late and I’ll have to explain.
He just doesn’t get it. Really.
I think that’s all it is, mostly. But it’s still really weird. I grow up never talking about money with other people, and I feel VERY awkward talking about personal finances with anyone else. My husband will just point blank ask someone what their house cost, or how much they make! I’m always left in shock.
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Lets chalk it up to boys are useless. I like that. I think I found my first tattoo.
KLM- OOOOO question! I love questions. Ill answer it next post. itll be up tomorrow morning so keep an eye out!
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Actually, when I first read this, I thought club meant gym club, and the weight loss question made some sense. But I’m a guy so, nuf said :-)
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haha, yeah dont even get me started on what kind of girls you are going to meet at a club.
Oh god, im pretty sure the boy gave him this site. I hope hes not offended.
BLAME JEROME!!
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I think there’s simply a different mentality- not so much that girls are too sensitive and guys are too insensitive, but that there’s different forms of sensitivity and the things that guys are concerned about are slightly different from us girls.
Also if someone tells us that, we dive for the Ben & Jerrys. A guy is more likely to say, “damn, someone thinks I should lose weight? Well, maybe I’ll do some exercising then.”
…which makes sense, if you think about it. Girls seem to work against themselves more than guys do in this way!
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Guy alert!
Boys are useless Kelly????? I disagree (but then, that is my gender…)!!!
How about — girls are weird!
Hey, I think I’ve found the perfect place to come if I’m looking to get beat up! I kid…
For all the boys (errr, men) out there – I stand up, suck in my gut, and support my gender! (now don’t start throwing things at me…)
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