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Does this make you uncomfortable?
I was planning on writing this post as diplomatically and professionally as possible, but after hours of research , you know what?
Eff that.
Hate and judgment make me sick. I find it disgusting how hateful, malicious and callous people can be.
If you are unaware of the Fat Acceptance movement, please head here or here to read up on it a bit.
I have spent the past week reading fat acceptance blogs, (my favorite of which is Big Fat Deal) and the debate seems to be this:
“Please do not judge me based on my appearance, and do not be offended by my mere presence.”
“Then stop being so freaking fat.”
“I know I am fat, and society does not think this is beautiful, but I deserve the same amount of respect as anyone else.”
“Too bad, fattie.”
I searched desperately for a valid, or even coherent, opposition to the fat acceptance movement, and amidst the prejudiced, malicious and hurtful insults, the closest I have found is “being fat is unhealthy.”
I feel I have a bit of a unique perspective on this as I am a female, 21 year old, ex-bulimic, personal trainer.
The personal trainer in me gets this argument. Being overweight increases your risk of heart disease, high cholesterol, high blood pressure and diabetes. That’s sweet you are concerned about the welfare of others, but can I ask why?
As a personal trainer, I care about the health of my clients. I care because they pay me to.
Kidding.
My clients come to me because they want help. They know that I know how to help them- its my job. I don’t see it as my personal mission to chase down every fat person I see on the street and tell them I want to “help” them. It would be like if someone flagged me down on the street and told me my shoes were hideous to “help” me with my fashion sense. Under this logic, it would magically be able to pick out better clothes, but in actuality, Iwould probably spend the next 3 days curled up in my closet hugging my Frye boots.
People come in to my studio and the first thing they say is “I want to lose X amount of weight.” When asked why, they usually respond, “because then I will finally be happy with myself.” Once we get going with training, however, they start to feel better about themselves before they drop a single pounds. they strart to feel better for having made a healthy lifestyle change, sticking with something consistently and doing something just for themselves. They discover they can be happy without hitting that goal, because the weight isn’t the issue.
I have clients that feel the need to apologize for the way they look. Its me, them and a rack of dumbbells, yet they feel the need to agree with that they THINK I am thinking.
“I just wish I could get rid of this pooch.”
“I have too much arm flab.”
“Ugh, I hate my thighs.”
At first, I never really got this, but now I do. At first I didn’t know what to say, but now I say “Hey, it’s just me. You don’t have to do that.” They are so used to having to apologize for being overweight and for their appearance to other people that they fall into that habit. They don’t want people to think they are ok with it, so if they say it first, then they don’t have to hear someone else say it. It soon passes as they get to know me better and know that I don’t care about that crap. they begin to relax and let their guard down. Eventually, they will even be comfortable enough to express pride in the fact they dropped a few pounds, even if they have double digits to go. All it takes is a little acceptance and its amazing what it can do for the self esteem. And that’s when we really start to see results. They begin to feel happier, and feel better about themselves: they begin to WANT to get healthy, as before they didn’t feel like they deserved it.
I know this feeling well. As most of you know, I used to be bulimic. In the midst of it, I thought I just didn’t want to get fat. I would do anything not to be fat. Being thin was a physical sign that I was strong. People could look at me and see by my gaunt features and protruding bones and know that I did not need food like everyone else- I was stronger than everyone else. I would see fat people out smiling and laughing, while i had spent the past week splitting my time between an open fridge door and having my head i nthe toilet. i didnt understand how someone could be happy while being the very thing i was most scared of in the world. It wasn’t fair. It didn’t make sense. I was jealous of the very thing i spent so much time and engergy trying to avoid becoming.
After years of counseling I discovered this wasn’t the case. It had nothing to do with food or weight. My disorder was a physical manifestation of me feeling like I was not worth the space I took up. In actuality, I had NO control over my food consumption. The anxiety would be so great inside of me that all I could think about was eating until I was physically sick. Being full was the only time I felt ok- I wasn’t anxious because I didn’t want anymore food (and in most cases couldn’t physically fit any more food inside of my body) and I wasn’t anxious because I knew in a few minutes I would get rid of it and have no worries about gaining an ounce. After a binge was the only time i could ever truely relax. I know what it is like to find solace in a gallon of ice cream.
As soon as I figured out what caused my disorder, its power over me broke. As soon as I learned that I was worth something, and that I didn’t need anyone else to tell me so, as long as I felt it, it was like my urge to continually be controlled by something as stupid as food was gone. I was better than this. I deserved to be happy. I was worth something. I was a beautiful human being with things to offer the world (enter personal training and Every Gym’s Nightmare.) I could show people that they can get healthy and enjoy life as well, but it doesn’t start with food, it starts with knowing that you are worth it. A diet didn’t teach me that.
While I had a “weight problem,” I have never been overweight. I was severely underweight, and caused irreparable damage to my body, but to most people, it wasn’t obvious. Unless you knew me before, you would not have looked at me gone “That girl is a bulimic.” It was hard enough to recover, but I could hide it. Strangers didn’t need to know I was sick. I didn’t have to explain myself or be ashamed or made fun of or watch the news and see candid shots of faceless skinny girls walking down the street. I don’t know if I would have made it if I had.
Everyone has something wrong with them by society‘s definition, be it depression, a disease, and eating disorder, a handicap, a disability, a disfigurement, addiction, abuse, etc.
We, as a society, are accepting of this, are supportive with our concerns, our charities, our awareness campaigns. We are supportive, that is, until they try and sit next to us on a bus, engage in small talk in the check out line, or try and work in our businesses.
Everyone has something that is wrong with them and its just unfortunate that some people can’t hide their’s as easily as others. If someone has AIDS, you most likely wont know it to look at them. If someone is fat- you know it. Not only do you know it, but you can make inferences to their personality: they are lazy and unhealthy. And they don’t care. If they did they wouldn’t not be so fat, right?
My boyfriend is a smoker. Most of my close friends are. They aren’t stupid, they know it isn’t good for them. They usually talk about quitting in between puffs because they hack up brown shit in the mornings. Making them smoke 25ft from any doors and windows (Washington law, I don’t know how many other states have the same one) does not keep them from smoking. It just makes them angry when they have to stand out in the Seattle rain, or dodge cars in areas where 25ft from doors and windows is the middle of the street. I know smoking isn’t good, and even with my boyfriend, it isn’t my place to nag him about it until he gets the urge to burn me with one. I know it wont work. I do, however, get angry right along with him when people walk by and make comments about him polluting the air or getting cancer. Do you think they really care about his health? Do you think they believe that one cigarette will kill them of second hand smoke? No, they just care when something they do not like encroaches on their personal space or beliefs. Or makes them uncomfortable, which is what I feel is the major driving force behind the opposition to the fat acceptance movement.
Not all overweight people are unhealthy, and those that are, already know it. They do not need you to ridicule and demean them. Perhaps they need some love? Perhaps if you show them an ounce of kindness they will feel as though they deserve to be happy and healthy? Perhaps if you see them as more than their weight they won’t think everyone finds them so disgusting, and they will want to take care of their body, instead of loath it? Or perhaps you should just mind your own damn business, because they are on their way to work and don’t know you from Adam.
Obviously, as a fitness writer, my audience is a bit skewed. You would not be reading this site if you were not more concerned about your health than the average person (or you are related to me.) Maybe using the platform “its not healthy” is just a way to further separate yourself from “them.” Maybe its fear. Maybe everyone is thinking “there is NO WAY I could be happy at that size, so those claiming to be have to be lying. Or if they are happy, they shouldn’t be, so lets knock them down a few pegs.”
Women are subjected to unrealistic body ideals everyday and I don’t know a single woman than can say she does not feel pressure to be thin and beautiful from society. Do we really need fan this flame by deflecting it to those “worse off’ than we are? Where are your hearts?
Personally, I feel that someone that can find beauty in themselves, even when the entire world is telling them they are ugly, is the strongest, healthiest example of a human being. I both admire and applaud you.
I’ve started my own movement. It’s called “I’m FAT and I’m PROUD of it.” Don’t get me wrong, I understand being as large as I am isn’t healthy. I work out and eat better to try and lose weight. I do that for HEALTH reasons, not because I hate myself. I am more comfortable with myself at 350 pounds than I ever was at 250 pounds. It’s because I’ve come to accept that I AM worth something no matter how I look or what I weigh. If anyone can’t accept that I say eff you. It’s my life and I was givin the right to live it as I see fit. You don’t like it, too damn bad. Thank you for being on our side.
I’ve been reading this really great book lately, Embracing Your Big Fat Ass by Laura Banks and Janette Barber, and between that book and thoughtful posts like yours, I’ve come to the conclusion that fat acceptance, and thin acceptance, and tall acceptance, and short acceptance and any other kind of size/image issue we all have are pretty much ALL issues of self acceptance and self esteem. The biggest thing we have to learn is to love ourselves as we are, and from there we can make changes if we choose to. But it all starts with at least liking ourselves enough to want what is best for us as individuals.
Marste,
I definitely think that’s an interesting case, and not representative of the vast majority of fat people. I’m glad you posted because it’s an interesting conundrum. Like Marste said, she would have to maintain highly unhealthy habits to get over 200 pounds. I would venture a guess that is true of most people.
Let me put it this way. I am 5’1″. If you saw me on the street, you would see that I am short. You would assume that I am unable to reach very high shelves, can’t slam dunk a basketball, and possibly other thinks that are sometimes assumed of short people. And that is OK, because 99% of people my height are unable to slam dunk a basketball unless they’re really really good at jumping.
So to answer your question, I would make the judgement about you that: you probably won’t win any sprinting contests. and you can’t fit in small spaces. It is human nature to make generalizations and assumptions about what we see. I would be happy if you proved me wrong and won a marathon.
1380 days ago
[...] Read her entire post, "Fat Acceptance" >>> [...]
Great, great, post, Kelly. Truly terrific. :)
Thank you, Marste, for an excellent, well-written comment. You expressed my thoughts much better than I could.
Not twice as much, but 140 pounds more than right now. I have posted several times above and on Every Gym’s Nightmare. I don’t think it enlightened anyone. And, why do you think my story is “simply not possible?” My trainers would definitely say I am a special case. Although each of them has been in the business of working with health and bodies for many years, they both were shocked to learn the things I had to teach them about size and weight loss and health. However, they were open to learning. I have been very disappointed to find such lack of acceptance from many of the commentators on this blog. I would be happy to put you in contact with either of my trainers if you would like further information about my “special case.”
Mary,
Unless you weighed twice as much as you do now three years ago, that is simply not possible.
Even if 300 pounds is a weight you maintain under the habits you explained, you are clearly a special case, and not representative of the norm.
But besides that, why are you acting as if Katie’s comment is such blasphemy? It’s someone’s perspective. Why not try and enlighten her with yours, rather than asking antagonizing questions?
Well, a lot of things have been said, and said well, but since this is a subject near and dear to my heart, I just wanted to chime in.
First, a lot of people seem to feel that if you are fat and healthy, that’s ok, but that if you are fat and UNhealthy, then that’s NOT ok. But what if someone is fat and unhealthy by CHOICE? What if they’d really rather live on Big Macs and fries (which most don’t, btw) than salad and chicken? Last I checked, we were grown-ups who are allowed to make our own choices.
The argument that fat people cost more in healthcare (and therefore should be shamed) doesn’t hold water, either. According to recent research, someone who is fat and unhealthy will cost LESS in the long run, because they’re more likely to die earlier. Someone who is healthy is more likely to live long enough to require long-term care (think Alzheimer’s and dementia). For the study itself, go to the Public Library of Science, a peer-reviewed medical journal: http://medicine.plosjournals.org/perlserv/?request=get-document&doi=10.1371/journal.pmed.0050029&ct=1
So. If the healthcare argument is a red herring, what else is there? Honestly, I don’t see any good reason for shaming or discriminating against fat people. The only reason I see is, “it makes me uncomfortable that they’re fat,” and THAT is not a good reason.
Finally, any argument that extrapolates to fat people in general based on “the fat people I know” is faulty by definition. Unless you know for a fact that the fat people you know constitute a representative sample of ALL the fat people in the nation (including income and education levels, family history, genetics, etc.), it doesn’t fly. It’s a skewed sample, and as an extrapolation tool, it’s useless.
Having said all that, I would like to point out that Health at Every Size is NOT the same as Health at Any Size. What is a healthy size for you might not be for me, and vice versa. I know from my own personal history that the only way my weight gets over 200 is by bingeing (normally it hovers between 165 and 175). But I have no doubt that Mary (above), is healthy as a horse. She might not be as healthy at my size, and I might not be as healthy at hers, but that doesn’t mean that either of our sizes is by DEFINITION unhealthy. It just means that what is healthy for one person might not be for someone else.
Ok, I’m done now. Sorry for the long comment! :)
Katie,
I am 5 feet 3 and weigh over 300 pounds. I work out with a trainer and on my own 12 hours a week and have done so for three years. I walk/run at 4.2 mph for 60 minutes a day and weight train the other 60. I leg press 620 (orm). I typically eat between 1,500 and 1,700 calories a day. I sleep a solid 8 hours a night and I work full-time. In my spare time, I am preparing for NSCA certification. I’m just curious. When you see me on the street, what category do you put me in? What judgments do you make about me?
There are a lot of interesting and insightful comments here. This is a good and though provoking article.
I guess what worries me is the term “fat acceptance.” As some others have said, there is a huge difference between not treating others unkindly because of their weight and accepting fatness. Sure, we should all be respectful of others and treat them equally and kindly. But we shouldn’t treat America’s obesity problem with indifference. We shouldn’t accept it, because it IS a huge problem.
Some people certainly do have diseases that make it difficult to lose weight. But the majority of people just make poor life decisions. There is a reason that American is such a fat nation, and it isn’t because we all have thyroid diseases.
Another example that is often used is that fat–I’m talking obese, not a little chubby–people are often just as capable as people of a healthy weight. This is simply not true. The fat people I know (and believe me much of my family is very overweight) are not as capable as thinner people. They are often tired, slower moving, and unable to be very active when hiking, camping, etc. Several fat people I know sleep more than average because, obviously, hauling around all that extra weight is exhausting. It just makes sense that they would be less capable.
So I think the idea of being respectful of fat people is great–like any other group, from blacks to Jews to little people–but no, fat should not be accepted. It is definitely a problem that we should face and try to solve.
I think that a movement for Fat Acceptance is great…as long as it’s not promoting an unhealthy lifestyle! I don’t really kow anything about this movement but I think that it is necessary because being a little overweight is not a bad thing…the only time someone should feel bad about how much they weigh is when their health is in jeopardy and even then they shouldn’t feel “bad”.
I feel this is an extremely touchy subject. People who make fun of overweight/obese people are just mean. These same people make fun of MR children and kick little puppies. That is the approach I think people take— but I’ve found even someone like myself judging obsese people as well. I feel Americans fear obesity. If you can overcome obesity or avoid it, you therefore are “better” than the other person. I have self control, I am attractive, etc. To be totally honest, I do not find obese people attractive. But, I’m not dating all of them or going to marry all of them. People are unattractive in many ways, their attitudes, lack of values, treatment toward others, etc. We need to look to others as human beings and try to help others instead of judge them and grow ourselves.
Great article. I’ve really been interested in reading everyone’s comments. Thanks for bringing up the topic in an intelligent manor and encouraging discussion on it.
Nice post.
You are my hero for using that picture. Great article. Fantastic article.
Just like most things, not judging others is always easier said than done.
I love you …
My only comment is that it works both ways these days …
As someone who is thin, fit, healthy, I feel like people will always apologize for what they are eating around me. Or worse, make a snide remark about my healthy food. I am not judging you! Assuming someone is judgemental and critical because they brought in a healthy lunch is just as hurtful as assuming someone is lazy because they are overweight.
Wonderful article!
And did you sneak in my head and steal this paragraph?
“While I had a “weight problem,” I have never been overweight. I was severely underweight, and caused irreparable damage to my body, but to most people, it wasn’t obvious. Unless you knew me before, you would not have looked at me gone “That girl is a bulimic.” It was hard enough to recover, but I could hide it. Strangers didn’t need to know I was sick. I didn’t have to explain myself or be ashamed or made fun of or watch the news and see candid shots of faceless skinny girls walking down the street. I don’t know if I would have made it if I had.”
You had years of my life pegged perfectly with this statement.
sweetsandsweats
It’s interesting, and sad, the ways that people justify the judgments that they make. It really discourages introspection. I loved hearing the way you handle your client’s expectations that of course you (like most people they encounter) would make such assumptions. You rock.