The Hottest Hunks of Horror, #8

#8: Bruce Campbell as Ashley “Ash” J. Williams in

The Evil Dead, Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn, and Army of Darkness: Evil Dead 3.

Groovy,indeed.

Listen up, all you WB pansy-ass nancy boys who star in today’s “horror” movies: you suck. Now Ash is a REAL man. He gets the job done, and does it with oomph. While you’re running away and shrieking, Ash is kicking ass, taking names, kicking some more ass, and looking hot while doing it. Go fix your make-up, wusses, and leave the horror movies to real men.

I mean, just look at the ‘hunky’ dude in the beginning of Saw 2. You’ve seen the clip here at The Screamstress, so you know what I mean. The ripple-abbed wimp can’t even gouge out one little eye to save his life! That’s all he has to do, and then he’s done. He can go home and watch TV with his good eye.

Now Ash, Ash knew what he had to do when his hand became possessed. That’s right, he cut it off. And even fought with it later. Now here’s how you tell a real hero: did Ash break down crying and run back to the set of One Tree Hill? Hell no! He wrapped that stump in DUCT TAPE, added a chainsaw, and made a killer weapon! And he grabbed a shotgun! Then he went on to fight evil! Alas, they don’t make them like they used to.

Groovy, groovy, groovy! (If you don’t know why I said ‘groovy’ you definitely need to read this blog and watch more horror movies.)

Here’s to you, Ash. I’ll fight evil with you anytime.

Two Ashes! Oh, the possibilities…