The Hottest Hunks of Horror, #7

#7: Rodney Eastman as Joey Crusel in Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors.

He was in NOES part 4, also, but I’m not counting that one, largely due to the lameness of that film’s script and the largeness of Rodney’s mullet.

In Dream Warriors (the second best film of the series, second only to the original) Rodney plays Joey, a sweet, cute, mute teen locked in a nuthouse. But it’s one of those nuthouses for teens-whose-parents-don’t-understand-them, not the kind with real crazy people. So you’re probably thinking: Cute, sweet, AND he can’t talk? What more could a girl want?!

Get off my man, Nancy!!

Not too much more. Except maybe a little more of the gray matter. Joey doesn’t seem to be the sharpest tool in the shed, considering Freddy trapped him in EXACTLY the same way in both movies. Joey, Joey…if you see a half-naked blond woman trying to lure you away from safety with the false promise of sexual adventures…run!

But anyway, his sweetness and vulnerability melted the icy exterior of this horror maiden, I can tell you. In fact, show me a woman who doesn’t love Joey Crusel, and I’ll show you a heartless wench.

Wassa matter, Joey? Skank got your tongue?

Here’s to you, Joey: not too bright, but always loved.