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Original Air Date: April 7, 2008
Poor, SAMANTHA. She still likes her ex-boyfriend TODD, and no matter what she does, she keeps getting reminded of that fact. Walking down the street with DENA, she bumps into him. And, then he calls her parents’ house to invite her over for some of his chili. No wonder Samantha thinks he’s asking her to move back in when he mentions that he’s living in her apartment while she’s living with her mom and dad.
But, Todd isn’t talking about her. Instead, he’s building up to ask if his new girlfriend CHLOE (Guest Star Kiele Sanchez) can move in. Sam, taken aback, agrees enthusiastically. In fact, she says “Get that girl in here,” when she really means, “Hell no!”
Later at the coffee shop with ANDREA, the two friends reminisce about the days when Sam wasn’t a dumb ol’ amnesiac and knew just what to do to part guys she liked with their girlfriends — you know, dirty, clever things like leaving her phone number on a matchbook in their pocket, or lying about them sending bottles of wine over to her in bars. If Sam wants Todd to herself, Andrea is certain she must get her deceitful groove back.
Just in time to help Sam toughen up, AUDREY RHODES (Guest Star Beth Littleford), a woman on the board of Sam’s building, walks up and inquires about seeing someone moving into her apartment. Audrey cares because subletting is forbidden and grounds for eviction in their building. Oopsy daisy! So, Sam heads over to her apartment to inform Todd and Chloe it’s going to be a threesome. Talk about awkward…
Sam’s first night back, the trio play monopoly … at least, until Chloe and Todd start acting all stupid with their inside jokes and whatnot. They eventually leave to stop making the situation uncomfortable for Sam — by retreating in the bedroom to have sex.
Sam gets some fresh air outside later with Andrea, who brings over her bagful of items for Sam to scatter around the apartment as if they belong to Chloe, such as herpes cream and ovulation kits. Sam claims she’s not that person anymore, but the strategy does seem tempting.
Meanwhile, Deena arrives at Sam’s parents’ house looking for her, only to find REGINA alone (HOWARD‘s away at a poultry conference) and sad because Sam didn’t want to hang out playing with her new massive make-up kit she just received in the mail. Regina seizes the opportunity to invite Deena over for an evening of booze and very, very poorly applied cosmetics.
Eventually, the two end up deciding to toilet paper the home of a woman two houses down. Her offense was causing Regina to come in second in a long-ago beauty pageant when she won.
Deena knows Regina’s pain because she, too, lost out on her dream when the scam art school that has applicants draw the turtle in the back of magazines rejected her, despite Regina’s claim that they accept everyone just to get their money.
In her apartment, Sam wakes up in the middle of the night to find Chloe by her makeshift sofa bed telling her ominously, “Todd is mine. Go near him and I’ll destroy you.”
Uh-oh. Wrong choice of words, girlfriend. And, it gets worse. The next morning, after fake Chloe makes breakfast because she allegedly wants Sam to feel at home, Todd informs Sam that Chloe told him how Sam cornered her the night before and threatened to take her down.
Then, Chloe runs out of the bedroom just as Sam is trying to warn Todd that he’s hooked up once again with a whackadoo woman who’s just like she used to be. Chloe bawls dramatically and claims Sam mutilated the stuffed animal Todd won for her at some amusement park. Now the war is on because Sam is pissed … or so she says.
Unfortunately, what happens next almost makes the whole episode suck. Instead of getting even properly, Sam just makes herself look stupid — again. When Chloe comes home one day, Sam exits the bedroom and pretends she and Todd were just in the process of having sex. The only problem is that Todd walks through the front door just as Chloe begins to get upset.
Sam manages to expose that Chloe mutilated her stuffed animal herself because the tell-tale ink is on Chloe’s fingers. Chloe then admits what she did, explaining to Todd that she felt she had to compete because Sam is so beautiful and blah blah blah.
Todd responds by telling Chloe he loves her in front of a stunned Sam, who, like an idiot, leaves her own apartment wearing nothing but high heels and a negligee. Thankfully, she realizes she’s underdressed in the hallway. But, of course, she locked herself out when she closed the door, and Todd and Chloe aren’t answering because they’re too busy making up.
Sam winds up borrowing doorman FRANK‘s coat — he promises to cover for her with Audrey — and returning home to her mother next. What a lousy wrap for an episode that started out great. I really wish Sam would stop coming out looking so ridiculous at the end.
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