Subscribe
Previous Post
Original Air Date: May 22, 2008
NOTE: This series and recap contain very mature themes and language.
I will not tell a lie. The fifth-midseason, summer premiere of Reno 911! didn’t work for me at all. But that happens on improvised series. They either tend to hit the funny bone or miss it all together, with little in between, so better luck next time.
The central plot of the episode involves Jackie DiMartino, a prostitute known by the entire Sheriff’s Department. She spends the whole half-hour in the hospital, dying of lupus. The Reno cops take turns visiting her in groups, always leading to some odd yet still unfunny interaction. As a result, the plot that acts as a thread to tie together the various off-the-wall bits ends up dragging down the entire episode.
Some of the unfunny things that occur include:
At the brothel, Junior explains to the camera that prostitution is legal in parts of Nevada, as long as prostitutes submit to inspections. He’s busy giving said inspections to a group of prostitutes who are unaware that he’s not the one who’s supposed to examine them.
At the daily morning briefing, Dangle grows frustrated because a new popcorn machine has been installed in the room and all the deputies are concerned about is stuffing their faces full of the snack. It’s at this gathering that Dangle reveals Jackie’s condition.
Dangle and Junior stop a perp and confiscate the OxyContin he’s carrying. In the patrol car, Junior pops one of the pills, not knowing, as Dangle informs him, that you’re only supposed to take half of one tablet.
While the deputies have fun with a lie detector machine, Kimball claims she can peel fruit with her private parts because she does a special exercise that isn’t Kegel. The other cops press her to give up the name of the exercise, but Kimball won’t budge.
Garcia and Jones go to see Jackie first, and they assure her she’s going to heaven, not hell, where there are no scabs.
Dangle and Junior conduct a preliminary parole hearing with a parolee who’s missed 19 parole meetings. The ex-con claims he’s drug-free, and the cops determine he would make a great understudy for Starlight Express due to his skating, high-fiving, and low-fiving skills.
Dangle and Junior next appear at the hospital to visit Jackie, and they think she dies while they’re in the room. They get close to her bed and start fiddling around with her hair and face, commenting on how different she looks without makeup, when she raises up unexpectedly and scares them.
The department sets up a safe baby surrender site in one of the offices so parents who don’t want their babies can drop them off without fear of punishment. The office quickly fills up with children, including a toddler who can walk. The cops get so overwhelmed they first bring in a couple of arrested hookers to help look after the kids before leaving the unwanted children at the door of the firehouse and running away.
Frequent guest star Patton Oswalt cameos as a car accident victim pinned between two vehicles. He immediately gets into an argument with Dangle and Junior when they arrive about M. Night Shyamalan movies and such. The confrontation ends with Dangle turning violent as emergency medical personnel show up because Oswalt’s character accuses the officers of lacking culture and movie knowledge.
When Kimball, Williams, and Johnson visit Jackie, the women read the patient a note that says they’re sorry she’s in the hospital and that they hope she dies soon and pain free. Johnson, trying out something she read somewhere, ends the visit then by asking Jackie to envision herself on a trampoline and jumping off to her death so she can go ahead and die in real life.
Dangle reports to a bridge to stop a man from committing suicide. He gives the man a cigarette and when the potential jumper asks for a light, he falls over the side of the cliff after Dangle throws the lighter to him wide.
Wiegel visits Jackie and we learn they go all the way back to childhood. In the fourth grade, Jackie took the fall for Wiegel, who put cigarette butts in Uncle Mel’s beer, and Wiegel thanks Jackie for never telling, even after Mel beat her. When Wiegel leans over to hug Jackie, the patient sticks her tongue in the cop’s ear, prompting Wiegel to jump back in surprise and then tell the cameras as she leaves that Jackie is definitely going to hell.
RESOURCES
Ok, SOME is hit or miss…but parts of this episode made me pee a little…”Her last words were…hampster dances…”