It Was Life, Jim Just Not As We Knew It

The Life on Mars finale was well, unexpected, to put it mildly. I’ll be discussing that, Smallville and some of the week’s other TV events so consider this a spoiler warning.

Image: Bauer-Griffin

Allow me to summon the wisdom of Roger Ebert and say I hated, hated, hated the ABC Life on Mars ending. The British version gave fans more satisfying closure and it had the hero commit suicide at the end.

If it had ended about 30 seconds before it did, I would have loved it. Sam and Annie find a love so strong it doesn’t matter he’s trapped over three decades in the past. I mean, mad props for that. I wouldn’t go back in time to marry Cleopatra or Helen of Troy if I had to surrender my Buffy DVDs, Xbox 360 or indoor plumbing to do so.

That’s not to mention how little I would trust myself not to do a Biff Tannen and bet on every sporting event in the 30 years up to 2009. But unfortunately, Life ended in a mishmash of as many sci-fi cliches as the writers could cram in there. Gene Hunt (who turned out not to be Gene Hunt) is Sam’s father? The whole thing was a simulation/dream? And don’t get me started on his character being named “Major Tom.”

Seriously, the “it was all a dream” plot device is considered to be the low watermark of TV writing. People are still blasting and lampooning Dallas for it and how long ago was that? In an interesting side note, at least Michael Imperoli can say it was not the least satisfying series finale he’s ever been involved in. After all, it didn’t just fade to black at the end.

And God bless NBC for trying to do something to fix Heroes. I think it reminds them of happier times when their network wasn’t in complete meltdown. Perhaps changing the net name to En Bee Cee will get the young kids to watch again. It’s not a sci-fi related development per se, but it’s also going to be interesting to watch NBC battle its Boston affiliate over Jay Leno.

Apparently this affiliate recognizes Leno in primetime as the surrender move that it is. Thus, they’re looking for other ways to program the hour. NBC is threatening to remove their affiliate status and the right to show NBC programming. Wait, the punishment for not showing Leno is not being forced to show the rest of NBC’s failure-laden lineup? That’s like saying “We were going to send you on a dream date with Joan Rivers, but now we’re not going to. That’ll show you, WHDH! I’m sure the prospect of never again getting to air ratings winners like Crusoe and My Own Worst Enemy will have them quivering.

I watched Chuck for the first time, and yes only because of Tricia Helfer’s guest stint. As much as I miss Battlestar Galactica, I promise that trick is not going to work every time. So far, I’ve enjoyed Chuck and I was already watching Burn Notice, another show Helfer has guested on. But I warn NBC Universal, The Biggest Loser now hosted by Tricia Helfer or Law and Order: Caprica Six Unit will not lure me in. Actually, I’m lying. I would totally watch that second show.

On Smallville, we learned that Clark Kent is Jesus and Doomsday is Judas, or something to that effect. DC has never shied away from the potential religious connotations of Superman. Darkseid crucified Superman in the comic books. But is all this leading to the death of Chloe? I think she’s one of the most important characters on the show and if they’re going to go there, her death had better be meaningful. Maybe Clark fails to save her because he can’t fly and that’s what triggers the ability? Just throwing out the ideas. I’ve always thought the ability to fly at superspeed negated the need to run at superspeed.

After all, for a character that is a touch slower than The Flash I never thought Superman made proper usage of that speed. Go ahead, count the number of times you’ve seen Clark duck. No, not run away at super speed but actually duck at the speed he’s capable of moving at.

I guess that would make for crappy fight sequences overall. I read an interview in which a comic writer talked about how hard it was to write for The Flash. If you fire a gun at him, he has time to go search Central City, find a bulletproof vest and come back before you can pull the trigger. It has to be hard to write for these superpowered characters. That’s why the “meteor freak of the week” got old and we’re seeing other DC characters brought in.

If CW really wants a Smallville follow-up show, a live-action Justice League would be a fun romp. I understand that Tom Welling probably wouldn’t want to be involved. Supes can just be referred to in episodes. It would have action, the young, pretty people that CW loves to show and soap opera drama between Green Arrow, Black Canary and whoever else shows up.