Quagmire (running through mall and accidentally into the camera room): Where am I, am I dead?
Security Guard: No, this is where we monitor all the dressing rooms in the mall so we can keep an eye out for shoplifters.
(Woman on Monitor has heart attack)
Quagmire: Oh my God! That one’s having a heart attack! (Runs to womans dressing room.)
Quagmire: (Rubs womans chest and breathes in her mouth. Woman becomes conscious.)
Woman#2: That was amazing!
Woman#3: You saved her life!
Woman#4: Thank God you know CPR!
Quagmire: What the hell is CPR?
Quagmire: Hey Peter, uhh you have a card for if you transfered V.D. to somebody.
Peter: Uhh lets see here…uhh yep, "Sorry I accidentally gave you V.D."
Quagmire: Huh, that’s all you have is accidental huh? All right I’ll take it.
Quagmire on a date with the Bachelorette, in his mother’s trailer. A mangy cat whines.
Quagmire’s mom: (shouting off-screen): Glenn, would you feed mittens?
Quagmire: Mittens has food in his bowl!
Quagmires’ mom: That’s old food!
(cat meows)
Quagmire: Mittens, shut up! Mittens shut up!
Quagmire’s Mom: Don’t you talk to Mittens that way. Mittens is a member of this family.
Quagmire: Mom if you want this three-way to happen, you’re gonna have to change your tone.
quagmire is not nasty. he’s gangsta. he did a lot of chicks that made him gangsta
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