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Diane Simmons: Tom, I’m getting late word that you’re a petty, jealous closet-case.
Tom Tucker: Bit of breaking news, we now go live to Diane being a bitch. Diane.
Tom Tucker: Well Diane, that last report was so good I think you deserve a spanking.
Diane: Oh Tom, I don’t think your wife would appreciate that.
Tom: Haha, that frigid old cow lives in Quahog she can’t hear a word I’m saying.
Camera Guy: Actually, we’re back on the air in Quahog.
Diane: Today, a local man charged for peeping in the women’s bathroom at the Quahog Bowling Alley.
Tom Tucker: Coming up, Diane’s weight.
